The Shadow of Needy

The Shadow of Needy

The Shadow of Need It’s time to declare that I am needy. All my life I have attracted needy people in my life because it took me a while to acknowledge that I am needy too. I won’t go into my history because my soul chose this life. It chose the time, date and place of birth and the family I was born into. My soul chose to be born with Capricorn rising and Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, conjunct making me a double Capricorn rising. Capricorn rising are seen as reserved, a little stand offish, competent and diligent. As children they are seen as ‘the responsible one’. And that was me. Oldest child with three younger brothers. Babysitting from a very young age. Always worked HARD from a very young age. Always felt responsible. All my life I have struggled with the other side of this. Fear that I am not enough. Which, is of course, complete BS, we are all enough. This caused me to try to prove that I was so very powerful and strong ALL THE TIME! I put up walls with friendships because I feared that if I dropped the walls and showed vulnerability and neediness that I would be rejected. And I rejected those friendships that I saw as too needy. I fear being seen as weak. I fear that I am not enough. Because of this fear I do weird things like showing up at my networking group without business cards or a clear need to ask the group for. I come across as ‘I am a better than you’. Aloof and distant...