Believe me I know how you feel. For most of my life I have heard the yes word come from my mouth even when I mean no. Leading again and again to a deep sense of resentment against myself AND the person or situation I said yes to. Even though they were unaware that I really didn’t want to be in the situation I had said yes to.
This led to pent up feelings. Blaming the other person for somehow not psychically KNOWING that I would never want to do that thing. I hang my head shamefully as I admit I even ended friendships rather than voicing my true feelings and needs.
There was one girl many years ago who used to get me to babysit her kids all the time so that she could go out with various boyfriends. Because I couldn’t say no I grew more and more resentful and rather than speak up for myself I blocked her from my life because in my eyes she had used me.
Thankfully I now forgive my younger self for this behavior and I would not do anything as extreme now. But I still hear the yes word leaving my mouth at times.
However, I am learning. I am learning to know and speak my truth. I am learning to say no without a lame excuse. I am learning to say when something doesn’t work for me. The start of this is to really know what does and doesn’t work for me. Getting clarity on my needs and wants.
As I gain that clarity I am learning not to shrink from difficult conversations. I am lovingly stating what works for me and what doesn’t.
And guess what. When I come from that loving and firm place it’s received with love.
I have learned the art of difficult conversations and unsurprisingly they become less and less difficult the more I practice.
If you find yourself saying yes when you mean no I would like to challenge you to stop. I would like you take the time to start getting clear on what does and does not work for you. I challenge you to start practicing saying no gracefully and with love. And see what happens.
So tell me in the comments. Do you find it hard to say no? Do you dread being ‘put in a spot’ where you find it hard to say no? Have you ever let things get as far as I did in the past? If you have become a recovering yes person tell me how you overcame that. I would love to hear your stories!