The Shadow of Needy

The Shadow of Needy

The Shadow of Need It’s time to declare that I am needy. All my life I have attracted needy people in my life because it took me a while to acknowledge that I am needy too. I won’t go into my history because my soul chose this life. It chose the time, date and place of birth and the family I was born into. My soul chose to be born with Capricorn rising and Saturn, the ruler of Capricorn, conjunct making me a double Capricorn rising. Capricorn rising are seen as reserved, a little stand offish, competent and diligent. As children they are seen as ‘the responsible one’. And that was me. Oldest child with three younger brothers. Babysitting from a very young age. Always worked HARD from a very young age. Always felt responsible. All my life I have struggled with the other side of this. Fear that I am not enough. Which, is of course, complete BS, we are all enough. This caused me to try to prove that I was so very powerful and strong ALL THE TIME! I put up walls with friendships because I feared that if I dropped the walls and showed vulnerability and neediness that I would be rejected. And I rejected those friendships that I saw as too needy. I fear being seen as weak. I fear that I am not enough. Because of this fear I do weird things like showing up at my networking group without business cards or a clear need to ask the group for. I come across as ‘I am a better than you’. Aloof and distant...
Another Big Leap

Another Big Leap

I have been thinking about this post for a while. Quite a long while actually. And then I read ‘My Inner Dilemma’ by Dena Patrick and also this newsletter written by my good friend Lisa Wechtenhiser from Practically Intuitive. And I realized, it’s time to get things out of my head and onto paper, virtually. I have always had activist tendencies. As a teen I lived in Northern Ireland during ‘the troubles’ and could see the Catholics point of view against the British Colonists of which I was one (not that I supported any of the violence - just the political views). I would argue their case at the dinner table much to my family’s consternation. Later, as a teen I marched to Hyde Park to protest with the Anti Nazi League. Until recently I have mainly been an armchair activist  followed by being a Facebook activist. And my physical activism faded away for many years as I lost myself in motherhood and moving around the world with my family. I felt I had to ‘tame it’ as an example to my daughter’s. How wrong could I have been. They love seeing me trying to save the world.  When we ended up in Utah in 2008, or rather when I was dragged kicking and screaming from Australia to Utah, I found myself taking and then coaching a Social Media Marketing course with my first ever Mentor. This triggered an intense period of personal and spiritual development, which has really not stopped since! All this, incidentally, happened at the time of my Chiron return, one of THE most painful and challenging but...
Do You Ever Feel Like  Fraud?

Do You Ever Feel Like Fraud?

Last week I spent three days at the most amazing event I have ever attended. And I was a speaker. The three days were filled with fun, deep bonding, belly dancing, meditations, kick ass coaching and strategies, breakthroughs, drum circles, Access Consciousness tools and so much love. My heart has grown and, even though I am on a high, I miss that space. So why do I feel Like a fraud? Well, I don’t really. Not to you. I feel as if I have been defrauding myself with a big lie that I released at the event. For a long time I was a little mouse. HATED speaking in front of groups. I would get exhausted and a headache after a full day at an event and spending so much time around people. I even got up on the stage on Day 1 and announced that I am shy and an introvert. What a load of bullcrap. I was afraid. Afraid of being visible. Afraid of speaking my truth. Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of Success. Hiding behind my computer where it feels safe to be visible. I know that is counter intuitive for some of you but that’s my truth. But something shifted. It started when I had my Bars run. I felt the shift. But it was the wholeness of this amazing event that contributed. As I had my Bars run, Angella Johnson, was speaking about using the clearing statement to release different things. And I decided to release the story that I am shy and an introvert. I am not suggesting I will never need...
“I Have A Quick Question………”

“I Have A Quick Question………”

Well there you have it. The New Moon this morning at 0 deg Sagittarius was conjunct my Mercury exactly and I get the urge to blog for the first time in a long time. Mercury being the planet of communication and teaching. And in Sagittarius which makes it all about truth! And in my eleventh house of groups and causes. I expect this urge to grow even more as Saturn enters my eleventh house also on November 30 and then again when the Lord of Karma leaves Scorpio, where he has been teaching us many many inner lessons since October 2012, and enters Sagittarius on December 23. Also conjoining my Mercury! So what, am I drawn to write? Well it’s not exactly astrology per se. It’s about my work as an astrologer. It’s those quick questions. The ones that say ‘can you explain what so and so in my chart means’ or ‘I am having a hard time, can you take a quick look’ (they are the hardest!) They come by private message on Facebook and Twitter mainly. Occasionally by email. And even by Google Hangout messages. After all this time working online I still feel a constriction in my throat when these messages arrive. The old fears of saying no. I have a nice reply prepared now and do use it. But I STILL feel bad as I hit send. Will they hate me? Will they never come back for a reading? All false fears of course. But here’s why I choose to answer none of these questions. If I answer one person I feel I have to answer other...
Healers Boundaries!

Healers Boundaries!

I love to help people. I am one of those people who others always come to for help. People tell me their deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings and I get them. I understand them and know how to listen deeply and to give compassionate mentoring without telling people what to do.   I even have a Psychotherapist friend who comes to me for mentoring, advice and to offload.   The questions of boundaries can get difficult because I work deeply with my clients. When I work with their charts I see into their soul (all completely confidential of course!) and I get to know them intimately. I am, therefore, seen as a close confidante and friend. But this is my business.   My work as an Intuitive Astrological Mentor means that I am increasingly finding that my empathic skills and need to help people lead to boundary crossing and burn out in my business and two very clear instances today prompted me to write this post. One a blog post on burn out by my mentor Leonie Dawson (you can read it here) and a few ‘quick questions’ from people I had worked with in the past.   I’m sure many of you that are in similar professions will relate. And I KNOW that people don’t mean to cross boundaries. The fault is entirely mine. Because I want to help people and I want them to feel better! The fault is mine because my boundaries are not clear and I find it hard to say no. BUT, I get burned out if I don’t have boundaries.   So here...

Saying Yes When You Mean No

Are you a yes person? Do you find it so so very hard to say no? Do you shrink from confrontation? Find powerful conversations tough?   Believe me I know how you feel. For most of my life I have heard the yes word come from my mouth even when I mean no. Leading again and again to a deep sense of resentment against myself AND the person or situation I said yes to. Even though they were unaware that I really didn’t want to be in the situation I had said yes to.   This led to pent up feelings. Blaming the other person for somehow not psychically KNOWING that I would never want to do that thing. I hang my head shamefully as I admit I even ended friendships rather than voicing my true feelings and needs.   There was one girl many years ago who used to get me to babysit her kids all the time so that she could go out with various boyfriends. Because I couldn’t say no I grew more and more resentful and rather than speak up for myself I blocked her from my life because in my eyes she had used me.   Thankfully I now forgive my younger self for this behavior and I would not do anything as extreme now. But I still hear the yes word leaving my mouth at times.   However, I am learning. I am learning to know and speak my truth. I am learning to say no without a lame excuse. I am learning to say when something doesn’t work for me. The start...
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